A GIRL IS GONNA GET HERS NO MATTER WHAT or WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH GUYS WHO ARE INTIMIDATED BY DILDOS?!?! by MollyX

There is nothing more pathetic than a guy who is intimidated by a vibrator. Case in point... my ex husband. Boys...rest at ease. No matter how many times we tickle the taco with a vibrator or a dildo, we are never going to stop craving your cock. We will never leave you for a sex toy (except maybe my rabbit. We have fantasized about running away together more than once, but nevertheless...). I married (the first time) at a very young age. When my husband discovered my cheap ass plastic pathetic excuse for a vibrator he was horrified and instantly demanded I throw it in the trash.

 But kids.... you can't keep a good girl down. So I quickly started devising a plan to get a vibe back in my life. After weeks of eyeballing...

 and my

and even my

I figured out a fail proof plan. It was nearing Christmas, and at the top of my wish list, I asked for a "back massager." I was happy as a pedophile at Disneyland when Christmas morning I unwrapped "The Thumper." This motherfucker looks like my moms antique Hoover.

It weighs about 75 lbs, has two vibrating heads, and a heat option. The next morning, I waited for my husband to go to work, plugged that sucker in, and went to town. The thing was like having a construction worker jackhammer your clit up into your throat. WAAAAAAAAAAY too strong! But I wasn't about to let that stand in my way. I threw on a pair of panties, unrolled some tube socks, lay them over my pussy, and went for round two with a nice protective layer of cushioning. About three minutes into it.... SUCCESS! Not the most amazing experience ever, but it was tolerable. And my husband spent the next three years thinking I had some serious back problems, cause that shit was plugged in by the bed everyday when he came home from work. But the moral of the story is...guys, come to terms with the fact that no matter how good of a lay you are, or how amazing your cock is, your wife or girlfriend is going to flick it. So deal. If my ex had come to terms with it, I would have been spared one seriously bruised labia and an astronomically high sock bill.