So I decided to head out to my favorite Chinese massage parlor in the East Village for a little stress relief.
Depending on who you get as a masseuse, your massage can be quite a religious experience.
You sometimes get a bit more than an actual massage.
You can sometimes get a hand job.
Only if it's by another guy!
Let it be known that the masseuse giving the hand jerk is never ever a sexy mother fucker.
When you have been drinking beforehand,
you just keep your eyes closed and let it happen.
I received my last hand job by someone you may all know.
This particular person is world famous!
Let me give you a hint.
He is extremely famous.
He has been in more than one film.
He even has action figures and Halloween masks made in his likeness.
Oh and yeah..he is actually a woman in real life!
Can u guess?!
Ok..ok..I will no longer keep you in suspense!
I got a hand job from Yoda!
Thing is though...
I didn't know this bitch was that old until I saw her in the light while paying.
I felt my dick slowly crawl up inside myself!
Yoda rubbed my nuts..my dick..and slowly jerked me off.
I finished myself off actually...but...it still doesn't make up for the fact that I was molested by a million year old Star Wars character.
Sorry penis...sorry I put you through this horrid torture.
I just don't know if there are enough words to describe how very sorry I am.
You did not deserve this.
Please come back Mr.Penis!